Attentive Listening:

• Encourage talking 

• Be silent, listen

• Acknowledge their feelings 

• Don’t change the subject 

• Take your time in giving advice 

• Encourage reminiscing

Myths 

• Children will be overwhelmed by the information 

• Children do not really understand that a loved one died  

• Talking about illness and death will take away hope 

Truths: 

• Children typically know more than we give them credit for 

• Children create their own understanding of the situation and words they hear if we do not talk about the situation

• Misconceptions need to be addressed 

• The unknown typically creates more anxiety than the reality  

• Children know something is wrong even if they are not told   

• Talking about illness and death can provide understanding and ways to cope 

Communication Strategies with Children: 

• Ask clarifying questions to their tough questions. 

• Say, “Tell me more about that.” to learn more or understand

• Repeat their statement in your own words to ensure understanding. 

• Be honest; the unknown typically creates more anxiety than the reality, and children know something is wrong even if they are not told.   

• Recognize that children will ask for information as they need it; they need a balance of communication and play. 

• Provide reassurance to the child. 

• Use correct words to explain death; use literal terms versus concepts 

  • Say “dead,” “death,” and “dying”

• Use words that your family utilizes – consistent language 

• Use concrete words: death, dying -- this helps lessen confusion  

• Identify fears and misconceptions, offer reassurance and provide opportunities to play, create memory items, have ongoing talks 

• Remember, you don’t have to have the answers; use reflective listening skills 

• Seek out support in the community- you do not need to do this alone 

• Death is a taboo topic and often adults will avoid talking about death around children as a way of protecting them.  One of the most important strategies in discussing death with children is the way we communicate with them.   

• Create a safe place for children to talk and or ask questions 

• As the child clarifying questions to get to the root of what they are asking 

• Avoid euphemisms 

  • Common euphemisms: sleeping, gone away, passed away, went to be with God 

• Be honest on a level of their developmental understanding 

Developmental Concepts of Death: 

A child’s reaction to death corresponds to their developmental/cognitive age.  

• Birth to 1 years:  No cognitive understanding of death 

• Toddler to Preschool (2-5 years): Does not see death as permanent  

• School age (6-9 years) : Emerging understanding of death 

• School age (9-12 years): Death is final and irreversible  

• Adolescent: Understands the implications of death 

Reminders for Caregivers 

• Professionals can be a support to help guide caregivers through difficult conversations 

• Every child will grieve in their own way, in their own time (ie: grief bursts, need time to play) 

• Give children any “choices” available 

• Children need breaks 

• Play as a coping mechanism 

What Might NOT Work 

• Having a “set agenda”. 

• Doing all the talking. 

• Not allowing silence. 

• Focusing on your own agenda.  

• Giving too many medical details. 

Check out The Platinum Trio subscription for anytime access to our growing collection of exclusive, printable content to support families and professionals in guiding children through challenging behaviors and difficult conversations, preparation for doctor visits of all types, and access to reward and behavior charts.

• I Have Something to Tell You: An Interactive Coloring Book to Help Children Understand Death in the Hospital (Coming Soon!)

  • Preschool and younger school age

• What Will I Tell the Children: Helping Your Children Cope with Death

  • Parents

• How I Feel: A Coloring Book for Grieving Children

  • 3-6 years old

• The Grief Bubble

  • School age

• Fire in my Heart, Ice in My Veins

  • Teens

• We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead

  • All ages, great for younger children

• The Invisible String  

  • School-age and younger

• When Someone Special Dies

  • School age/pre-teen

• When Something Terrible Happens 

  • School age/pre-teen

• When Someone Has a Very Serious Illness 

  • School age/pre-teen

• After a Death: An Activity Book for Children 

  • School age/pre-teen

• Grief Adult Coloring Books

  • Parents